some days i just want to curl up into a ball

A Very Important Day Ch. 20 - Dave/John - Homestuck - Sadstuck

evanwritessometimes:

(Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19)

Your name is Dave Strider, you are thirty years old, and you wonder if this is what numbness is.

It is not happiness for sure - you’ve not had the prolonged form that so many have been graced with, but you’ve had it briefly plenty of times and you know that what this is is not that. But at the same time you know what tragedy feels like, you know the aching and splitting of nerves and flesh that you face in your emptiest of times. This is not that either.

It’s a lifeless feeling - the mechanical turning of gears as each limb pops into place, time and time again, repeating the day-in and day-out that comes with any job, no matter how glitzy or glamorous the setting. You wonder if one of the interviewers would laugh at you if you told her you felt this way, and felt so unimportant. You think a lot of people would snort at that.

And yet all that happens these days is the clicking of metal on metal and the same conversations. The same phone calls and the same just-firm-enough handshakes. The same halfhearted drinking at night with the same aching back from sleeping on the couch. There aren’t tears or silent screams, but your face is plaster and your fingers are caking into statues.

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